I just found an old email in which I had compiled some jokes. Hep yo'sef:
Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia
Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter?
A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her
Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time
A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is f*cking her.
Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
A: They don't fucking listen.
Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhoea
Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.
Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.
Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?
A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13 years old.
Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A. Marry it.
Q. What do you get when you cross two black people?
A. Your ass kicked.
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.
Q. Why do women call it PMS?
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A. The cake jumps out of the girl.
Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A. You know she'll swallow.
Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A. They don't want to wear out the camel.
Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelery.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand...
Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.
Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.
Some of them are pretty shit. Sorry.
No need for sorry!
They were good, I enjoyed them.
Hahahaha.
Classic stabber, right there.
this is a terrible joke, but one of my chinese esl students told me it for her oral exam final today, and that made it hilarious:
there was a white politician who wanted to win the black vote so he travelled around the US to black communities. In his speech he told them "I may not have black skin, but I make up for it with my black heart"
If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
what's brown and sticky?
A stick.
I laughed at that one emiliabedilia
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2, one to screw it in and one to cry about it.
I thought it was
A. none, because they like to sit in the dark and cry.
Another MJ joke:
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson, while she was sunbathing?
Get out of my sun
Q: How can you tell if someone's a gynaecologist? A: They wear their watch by their elbow.
My dad told me that one.
What's the worst thing about 4 emos in a Honda Civic driving off a cliff?
The car holds 5.
ask me if i'm a fireman....
What's the difference between an emo kid and a mosquito?
When you hit a mosquito it stops sucking
Hi Richard
one emo kid, one nu metal kid and one lesbian rock grrl are standing on the edge of a cliff. the emo kid says, come on, i'll race you two to the bottom. Who wins?
society.
"i'm so emo they kick me out of the bar when they start happy hour."
why are emo girls resentful of their boyfriends?
cuz they've already got a pussy.
Ahh...emo.
One letter away from elmo.
why is emo grass good?
Cos it cuts itself.