hehehe... what's saggy-hairy-arse say em?

I hate the idea that one in twelve people share the same horrorscope as I. I want to be special, darn it.

Ha ha ha ha, similar to mine:

Sagittarius
Travel for business and pleasure may step up a notch or two over the next few weeks. Accept invites and get out and about whenever you can. Even though there is a Void Moon today, the planetary influence is one that suggests that breaking from routine is actually what will bring the best satisfaction. By opening yourself to all that is around you it is quite likely that certain information may be revealed and new insights realised. An excellent day to tackle old problems whose solutions have been elusive.

what star sign are you? I'm Aquarius and I can't be arse today

arsed

EMPRA!!!!!!!

Aquarius

The Moon in Saturn brings out your slack side. You can't even be arsed looking up your own predictions for today.

oooo... fanks empra - I likey likey...

yessum, travel - an escape up to the idyllic waterfront next weekend with the crew - there are so many interesting parts of that to over-analyse given my current situation

Leo- Jonathon Cainer:

Powerless people don't have to worry about their conscience. If something goes wrong, how can it be their fault? They have no power! Powerful people have a lot of responsibility. They can alter many people's lives with their decisions and their actions. To stop themselves having to worry about the consequences, powerful people often like to see themselves as powerless. There is a situation now over which you have a great deal of influence. Acknowledge as much and use it wisely.

we love the cainer.

rob brezsny is one of my faves for random, wacky, makes hardly any sense but entertaining horoscopes

freewill astrology

for example, this week's Scorpio:

On the first Monday of every month, a vision of the Virgin Mary appears on the back porch of Audrey Hoff's house in Miami. Even if you usually have no interest in curiosities like this, Scorpio, I predict that in 2007 you'll be involved in a comparable phenomenon. It won't necessarily feature the Virgin Mary, but will be in alignment with your particular belief system. So if you're a Buddhist, you may have dreams of the Buddha visiting your bedroom. If you're a gay Republican, you might have vivid waking visions of Abraham Lincoln and Ronald Reagan making holy love in a log cabin. If you're a lapsed Catholic, you may have recurring dreams of Jesus giving you permission not to pray to him. If you're an atheist, you could have a series of spectacular epiphanies that prove to you with ever-more certainty that there is no God.

indeed, Monty.. gotta love him.

I'm upset i didnt get to read my year outlook in the sunday magazine this time round. i dont think he pops it anywhere else (you have to pay for the one on his website)

Sorry P-R!

I'm a crab.

Here's yours:

Aquarius The Moon may be Void but it shouldn't be anything less than a very interesting and possibly quite exciting sort of day. There is no need to stick to routine, it is best to seek interesting and stimulating things to do. Things that pique your curiosity, things that fire up your imagination and that stimulate your brain. This is, for example, a great day to tackle old problems that have thus far been unable to be resolved. Finding resolutions should be far easier today. The goddess of love glides sexily into your sign and over the next few weeks should hot up your love life and possibly introduce casual relationships that'll be lots of fun.

This is fun! Someone should design a program to see how many of the words match up with each other!

Meanwhile, i totally just did this:

So rather than trying to push through it, give in to it and take time off at some stage to do something a little different or step outside your comfort zone for a while and just see what happens rather than trying to stick to your plans.

Some people imagine that the Aquarian Age, if it ever kicks in, will be an airy-fairy affair, rife with crystal healings and dolphin channeling. We'll be surrounded by neo-hippie do-gooders who spread sentimental love. But that's all wrong. The real Aquarian Age will bring a revolution in our political and economic structures, fueled by the Internet and other technologies. There'll be intelligent machines with whom we'll develop complex relationships. Sexual identities will mutate and expand, leading to at least seven distinct genders, and there'll be a host of new ways to experience erotic pleasure. Advances in anti-aging research, nanotechnology, and genetic manipulation will mutate many ideas about what it means to be human. You are by no means obligated to be on the front lines of this revolution, Aquarius. But if you do feel inclined to hang out there, 2007 will be the most adventurous year of your life so far.

mmmmk

age used to do some cracker M+N horoscopes.
speaking of which - age was randomly on my plane from melb to syd on christmas eve

ooh also susan miller does a fuck-off big monthly free horoscope

astrology zone

thanks babysteps!

I love the first paragraph of Saggy...

You've entered one of your best years ever, for Jupiter, your ruler and planet of good luck and happiness, will tour Sagittarius all through 2007. You will have real luck now! In the coming year, one change that you'll surely notice is that your thinking will broaden noticeably, and your confidence will rise in equal measure. This month you'll also have exceptional courage, thanks to Mars' tour of Sagittarius until January 16 (you had Mars on your side last month, too.)

More Cainer love from me, I read his website pretty much daily.

yep. virgo lady here.

i swear every time cainer goes away on a holiday, he comes back making less sense.

nicko's USC is a Virgo. So I think he's hoping for pardy action. Not that he believes in astrology...much.

Leo :: There are stressful oppositions flowing through the day and you must be careful of a number of things. Making decisions today isn't a good idea, neither is trying to do anything that requires attention to detail or mental discipline and if you work with numbers, be sure to triple check everything. Impulsive spending will get you into debt and create more worries. Watch out for an enemy in your camp.

Arse. I don't even have a fucking camp.

That works for me today.
sets up tent, posts sentry

virgo - Almost everyone is on a wheat free, dairy free, fat free, regime of some kind. And then there are those who, judging by what they choose to eat, appear to be on a nutrition free diet! It makes shopping for food very perplexing. Some enterprising supermarket ought to install a machine next to the checkout. You just buy whatever you like, put it in one end, turn a dial, and it comes out the other with whatever you don't want taken out of it. There are some things today, though, that you can't avoid. That's not so bad.

Pisces

Traits: Imaginative, Sensitive, Compassionate, Kind, Selfless, Unworldly, Intuitive and Sympathetic

Dark Traits: Escapist And Idealistic, Secretive And Vague, Weak-Willed And Easily Led

Pisceans are spiritual beings ruled by their feelings. Their journey through life will involve much soul searching and retreat into that hazy world which exists between the real and the unreal. While they are very happy traveling the paths of their inner world, the Piscean compassion and need to help others will ensure they return to the real world regularly.

Pisceans tend to go where life takes them. If they do not like their current direction, they simply retreat into themselves until their direction changes. One of the great dangers for the Pisceans is they sometimes become so involved in their dreams and fantasies they find it difficult to separate fact from fantasy. Another danger is that their docile nature makes it easy for others to take advantage of them.

Pisceans must not allow themselves to become detached from those around them, because they will become depressed, pessimistic and languid. The gentle Pisceans are usually far too shy to tout their talents, which in the arts may be formidable. Their compassion and empathy seems to be without bounds, which makes them a great ally for anyone.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The situation I described last week is still in full effect… namely, that tantalizing 'up in the air' quality to a certain interpersonal intrigue, which can't help but give you plenty of stimulating stuff to bide your time thinking about. Only, you're going to have to sneak in a last big chunk of extracurricular leisure activity as early in the week as possible, Gemini, while you've still got the chance. A heaping helping of serious labor is headed your way, demanding that you significantly limit the number of hours dedicated to frivolity over the coming weeks. In other words, as gripping as your contemplations of the pleasure principle may currently be, you're going to have to push 'em aside (at least partially)—or risk drowning in a sea of unfulfilled responsibilities. Spend your week making the transition from 'lounging around' (relatively, if not literally, speaking) to 'rolling your sleeves up' so that, by next week, you're well prepared to work your buns off. And while you're at it, I'd advise you to accept this turning of the tides without complaint. For this upcoming period, you must swallow any resistance… and recognize just how far your efforts can go in a short time, assuming you concentrate on the tasks at hand. If you fight it, you're not going to somehow emerge victorious with a magical exemption from duty. If anything, you'll just accomplish less—and generate a lot of wasted emotional energy in the process. So suck it up, okay? It's only temporary.

Hmmm time to hit the books!

yeah lozza. back to yr books! is that astrobarry? I haven't read mine yet.

also - hi hon!

yes it is. hello!!

I'm working four shifts at the end of this week too- speaks such truth.

The question is not, how have you wound up where you are? It is, where do you want to go next? Too often we get so caught up in the journey that we think we need to make that we keep on driving, even when we are seeming to sail past our destination. We believe signposts and signals, more than we believe the evidence of our own eyes. So if a situation is misleadingly labelled, we rarely question it. You've now got a lot of what you need. Are you absolutely sure you really need any more at all?

yes! godamnit. I do.

jonathan, can we manage something a little more positive rather than just 'no shit, sherlock'...

Leo: Too much is being asked of you. Well, I say 'asked,' but that implies a level of politeness that you have yet to encounter. You are facing demands, not requests. And that's really not very fair. Your limited resources are being stretched. You are tired of attempting the impossible. Where is your reward? Where is your relief? Something that's wrong needs to be put right. That can happen if you begin the process by resolving at least not to make unreasonable demands of yourself any more.

Don't listen to those charlatans! They make it up on the spot. Failed romance writers I tell ya!

failed romance writers?

greater or lesser than struggling music writers?

depends on your feelings towards romance writers i suppose.

Astrologers sometimes make mistakes. From this fact, which even they are scarcely sufficiently brazen to dispute, it follows with mathematical certainty that astrology is not a science but a sham, a quackery and a fraud [1]. Contrast its shameful uncertainty with medicine, where no doctor ever lost a patient; with law where no lawyer ever lost a case, or even with arms, where no soldier ever lost a battle! It is true that nine times out of ten, an astrologer glancing at a stranger can tell at what hour of the day he was born. This must be guesswork, for we do not see how it is done or can be done. It is an obvious canon of all sound philosophy that unless we know exactly how things happen, we must deny that they do happen, or, if ever philosophy cannot so far close eyes on actuality, we must ascribe them to chance. Thought of this altitudinous brilliance is the guarantee of human progress; it reminds one of the sun rising over the crest of some mighty pyramid of rock and ice, crowned with the everlasting snows. True it is that in all cases, an astrologer in the front rank of his profession, gives good advice, kind, shrewd, disinterested and wordly-wide, yet inspired by a diviner wisdom such as the fact that he spends his life in the contemplation of the noblest phenomena of nature, that the Soul behind them cannot but operate to bestow; true also that any astrologer of eminence can point to hundreds of people whose life, honour, and property have been preserved through his advice. But what do these facts prove ? What are we to think of any man who does not earn his living honestly by gambling on Wall Street, or faking antique furniture, or adulterating the food of the people, or wrecking railroads, or manufacturing the instruments of war ? Why, the fellow is a cheat, a scoundrel. The idle wretch polishes off his daily 'evil' in eighteen hours to squander the remaining six in the hideous debauch of sleep. What is to be done? Thank God, degenerate as our age may be in some respect, we have a fairly efficient police system. Well, then, send a detective to the astrologer; let her go in with her eyes red with tears; let her rock with sobbing as she tells of how her only child lies dying, and all the doctors have given up hope. Perhaps the astrologer, for all the knavery and cunning which enable him to pick the pockets of so many thousand people, may be fool enough to utter a few words of comfort. Then the matter is simple; justice can be done. The police take action, and fine and imprisonment follow. The detective is complimented on the cleverness of her plans; her salary is raised and a Free People march ever onwards, singing in the sunlight, toward that City which is God. The age is too mealy-mouthed, too sentimental, too easy-going to deal radically with crime. Even murderers nowadays have a good chance of escaping the electric chair; and the astrologer is worse than the murderer, for he touches not the mere vile body, but the pocket. We cannot avoid death, but we can die rich. There is even an added blasphemy in the crime of the astrologer, for we know of What Awful and Beneficent Being - a name too sacred to utter lightly - the Dollar is the incarnation. Yet pause, there may be a good reason for the tenderness of the law toward the astrologer. It is so certain that any community can destroy its helpless members, especially when they are women, by hanging them or burning them, and certain communities have a splendid record and a long experience of witch-baiting: statesmanship has abandoned these methods for other less effective on the surface, it argues some wiser consideration, some subtler motive, some nobler and loftier plan for the uplifting of the human race, than the unthinking mind can grasp. But let us put ourselves in the position of some patriotic statesman! Here we sit, the broad and noble forehead corrugated in the agony of intense thought, the firm chin resting on the hand, the venerable beard quivering with emotions less human than divine. We brood upon the True, the Beautiful; from time to time we sigh, as we think of the Incommensurable, the Absolute, or the Greatest Good. We gaze from fearless and untroubled eyes upon the world, and the words, half-formed, die in godlike sorrow upon our lips, 'Alas, humanity!' And as we reflect, there comes to us the burning conviction that money is not an unmixed blessing. Prosperity tends to sap the morality of the Common People. Virtue flourishes in communities of simple manners and fades when luxury spreads her vampire wings, money may be a curse. We realise that many people do not use it wisely. They would be better without it. For example, the class that squanders its hard-earned dollars upon the wicked astrologer. But it is not well either that the astrologer should have it. The desire of it has already led him into crime; the obtaining of it has confirmed him in that offence against the laws of God and man. Yet to suppress the astrologer - the first, rash, noble impulse of indignation still leaves money in the hands of those people who are no doubt better off without it. A dilemma indeed! Has political wisdom no solution? A light dawns in those eyes; the brow relaxes its tension, the beatific smile hovers dove-like on those firm calm lips. 'I will not oppress the astrologer', so the Great Idea takes shape in glory of speech: 'I will merely introduce a Bill to oppress him. Then I will advise him privately that I am his True Friend, and that for just a few thousand dollars I can prevent the Bill from passing into Law. If her cannot understand the merits of this plan - and his brain has probably been stupified by his devotion to his foolish quackery, in which no doubt, poor creature, he has a sincere belief - then I will prosecute him once or twice under the old mild law and get him frightened. Then, surely, he will yield, and the money will be no longer where it can only do harm, in the pockets of the Common People of the wicked Astrologer, but where it can only do good, in those of the wise and Patriotic Statesman.' If this plan has sometimes failed to work as it should, it is because the Astrologer is too often obstinately impervious to all reason and good sense, as well as to manners and good taste. He may even exclaim, malicious as a dog cornered by a gang of street urchins, that on the whole her would rather go to prison. 'It is not very creditable, perhaps, to be at large in a country with such rulers.' So deplorable a temper is indicative of incorrigible vice, a perversity of the soul plainly Satanic. Such people are dangerous to a State; they may perhaps hit back. Perhaps our sterner forefathers were wiser after all; perhaps we should go after the dollars of the Common People in some other way, and deal with the Astrologer by reviving the methods of the inevitable Matthew Hopkins.[2] Unless we can do so, and there is indeed some danger that those contemptible creatures, the Common Peoples, might not readily acquiesce, it is to be feared that we shall see the ruin of Civilisation with its greatest glory, our unique political system, and become impotent witnesses of that catastrophe, the Triumph of Astrologer.

oh cainer... how you puzzle me. The most clear cut horoscope of yours in a while and I'm still confused:

Sometimes, it seems as if the harder you try, the more difficult life gets. You can't, though, just shrug your shoulders. You are certainly not going to find that things get simpler if you stop. There is a wheel that you must put your shoulder to. There is an effort that you know you have to make. You are, though, closer to a turning point than you may think. You know how, in kids' video games, when they conquer enough monsters, they get to move on to a new 'level'. Well, you're about to make such a change!

I saw an astrologer in Sydney in September 2007 because my cousin hassled me to, and so far everything he told me would happen has happened. This have given me more confidence in his prediction that I will find true love with a dynamic, sexy man in the next couple of years.

Fuckin' YEAH.

*has