dear fe,

how do you pronounce fe - is it like FEEE or is it like FAY or am i really off?

Hmmm. Blake, that's tough one.

I think the best idea is to take your pants off and just let them all go in a private place. Farts are only made worse by bottling them up. If you are at work, a bathroom cublicle is a better place to do this than say, at your desk.

And sharpie -
It's Feeeeeeeeee.

NEXT.

Fe, what's a good Kris Kringle present for a guy about my age?

Hmmmm.

Try and get a 'Stocking Fella' gift pack from Lush. It is only about 15 bucks and is good for a man about town. The alternative is a nice beer glass which don't have to be over 10 bucks or so and fill it with peanuts.

Or you could take a polaroid of your boobies and give him that.

dear fe,

what do you consider the supreme species of the family Mustelidae? i'm partial to badgers myself, but you may have another in mind.

love and thanks
monty xx

Dear Fe,
What would you like for christmas? Do you celebrate christmas? Am I asking too many inane questions already? Oh dear. What will become of me?

x st

Dear monty -
OTTERS.
Fe xox

Dear Sharpie -
OTTERS.
No really, I want a floppy hat and a new book.

I celebrate Christmas, even though my heritage is Jewish, we have been COE type people with a penchant for consumerism for a few generations now.

Fe xox

What should I show people now that I have shown them everything?

People. What should I show them?

Hmmmm. Show them your pokemans again. That never gets old.

Dear Fe,
Why does it take people in Perth so long to react to a green traffic light? It is not normal for only three cars to proceed before they go amber again.

Dear Todd,

I don't know! It's so annoying. One of my favourite driving expressions is "GREEN MEANS GO".
I thought this happened elsewhere too though. I noticed it didn't happen in England but they have a flashing amber light to warn them it's going to go green so I thought that was why.

So it's probably got something to do with the massive amount of stoned people in the state.

Fe xox

and old people.... OLD PEOPLE GO HOME!

Stupid old people.

Dear Fe,
Who is in your avatar?

Hey yeah - your avatar is seedy looking...

Dear Sharpie,
It's Susan Korday (sp?) from the film Eugenie De Sade, in which she is naked a lot, kills attractive nude girls, has an afro muff and sleeps with her on-screen father.
Fe xox

Fe,

Super super hot girl was just looking up porn at work.

britney upskirt and laughing.

I think my pants are soiled in man juice.

What should i do?

Hmmmm. That's a hard one Kevin (geddit....nevermind)

I think the only solution is to pour your apple juice on your pants and pretend the stain is just the juice.

Then you should report her for sexual harrassment.

You may have to wait - I'm having a curry with friends tomorrow night, so the carb fasting for the shoot will have to follow.

That, toadphoney, reminds me of the courtship preceding my now non-existent marriage.

fe, i am confident she will say yes. whether i am being used for reasons you outlined or any others i can't say. does it matter? i don't see how a monogamous relationship could ever work for me. i'd rather remain single than be in a 'loving relationship'. (that, incidentally, is what she was in 4 months ago) maybe if i were 20 years younger, i'd think differently, but now i'm too cynical. i reckon her and i think along similar lines in this area too. pretty sweet, eh?

Are you sure that's how she thinks? What if she's picturing her books on your bookcase Pete?

Dear fethehelicat:

Quelle horreur! but as long as she doesn't appear at my front door with a suitcase i'll be fine. but onto more pressing matters, the Raison d'être, if you will, namely: where to go or what to do? dinner? bit common, although having recently decamped to some bivouac in the boonies for a work/study weekend and, apparently, practically given a standing ovation type of gratitude for the muck the caterers provided based solely on the fact that she didn't have to cook it herself, a nice restaurant meal might be just the ticket. single mum, you see, and before you go and make any assumptions...don't!

so dinner might work, but it must be a fairly rowdy place, yes? not quite sawdust on the floor and buxom wenches slinging the hash, but a bit busy.

toadphoney: you might want to reconsider that whole fasting idea. clearly this girl has...but i'm not sure if her swelling is a result of push ups or sit ups.

Does anyone else find it weird that she is wearing a scarf? Obviously her labia is the weirdest thing, but the scarf is pretty weird too.

Pete, I think you should take her somewhere good-ish. Are you expecting her to put out?

Dear Fe,

See for me im finding the bOObies to be weirder than the labia. You see what im saying?

P.s toadphoney gives the good advices.

Dear fethehelicat:

put out immediately or eventually? i guess she would, but who can say for sure - aside from her i mean. i've given the expectation some thought. it's only natural, but i'm not consumed by it. one step at a time. she might be frightful company in a 'date situation'.

i often see dudes in board shorts wearing scarfs. it's pathetic.

scarfs rule!

of course they do. i mean Sydney winters are so bitterly cold...

The boobies are just fake. What's weird about the labia is that she seems to want to show them. Maybe because I like boys I'm not picking up on the inherent sexiness of labia display. What I find strange about the scarf is that if I were cold, I'd wear pants. Maybe that's just me.

By them I mean the lips. Oooh, that was a bit coarse.

Anyway. Pete - I can't quite work out what you're wanting from this woman.

Dear fethehelicat:

i want or need nothing from her or, for that matter, anyone else. i mean, there's nothing her or, for that matter, anyone else has that i find more interesting than anything i have - if that makes sense... i find her attractive, and would like to see more of her. obviously if she requires a bloody good seeing to i'll supply that as well.

Peter

Dear fethehelicat:

I called her yesterday. her phone unattended i used a voicemail facility as requested. i started with a general enquiry of her well-being and promptly moved on to the business viz. 'I'd like to take you to dinner...'

approximately one hour later i received a txt message [from her] which read: 'hi pete thanks 4 the offer but im not attracted that way. Hope we can remain friends.'

i replied, 'Sure, --------- no problem. We're friends.'

Peter

Hey Pete,
Oh, bad luck buddy. Plenty more lady fish in the sea though, and lots of them need good seeings to.
Fe xox

Dear fethehellcat,

I don't actually know you, but I was reading the 'unexpected sexiness' thread and realised that I haven't seen you since.

That's all.

Dear fe,

Are you still coming to Melburn, and if so when? We must share a dink (sic).

-TramD

Dear fethehellcat,

I just went to Armadale shops with my mum and thought of you as I drank a 'coffee' (and I use the term loosely) overlooking Minnawarra Park. Siiiiiiiick. We also went to Big W.

It's really quite a nice park, isn't it?

Best, your Armadalian sister,
cc

Hullo Choppy.

My Mum carved her name in the big tree at Minnawarra park. When she was a kiddy, not last week. Also I once had a 'date' there (snog on park benches)

I'm back for your birthday, which makes me happy. It also means I'm making you homeless. Which makes me sad.
I'm a ball of conflicting emotions right now.

Hullo tigers. There are many couches in Melbourne where I can lay my head, I'd rather you be at my birthday. I left a tin can out last night and the kitten got his head stuck in it and nearly suffocated himself. I think your return is eagerly anticipated.