losing faith, getting it back

i just don't plan, and instead have faith in serendipity.

does anyone else have trouble finding the fine line between the poles of hope and despair?

Constantly. And as always, it's the little things that cheer me up. Like laughing at my unco cats as they fail to negotiate the gap between couch and top of bookshelf.

sometimes i think it's the things you find funny that temper the polarities the best :)

for me - it's my daughter

''poor mum'', she says, and pats my shoulder

I'm also like shiny in that I'm not one for much planning, and that living in the moment makes the highs and lows less extreme, I think. But it's not for everyone. One thing that can mediate the extremes is to detach yourself from the situation, try and think about how an outsider might see you - you know, simply being in a wealthy country like Australia means we're better off than 90% of the population of the world in a lot of ways, we have much more of a safety net than most countries, should we fail.

Also, another thing to remember is that the people who fail the most are the people who end up being winners - the only way you really get good at something is by persistence. So if you fail at something, you're probably doing a lot more right than someone who doesn't even try, at the very least.

absolutely agree hilly. i think failing at a couple of things at a really high key time in my life was probably one of the best things that has ever happened to me, because i now know that life doesn't end after failure. failing is a very freeing thing.

i think what's bothering me is that at no stage in my life have the stakes been this high

like, i was already a bit lazy/scared of the big things in life (full time work, mortgages, etc) and now i actually want to grow up, but i still don't know how it's done