I mean if others didn't have an issue with it, surely someone would reply to something that i've posted on here in the last hour. open your hearts...

common behaviour from those who fear intimacy is their inability to provide adequate, healthy emotional protection. it's a vital ingredient for loving and being loved.

Rape is the result of a fear of intimacy? Riiiiight.

i just wanna love and be loved, is that such a big fucking ask???! why does it have to be such a difficult thing...

amen!

Romeo and Juliet loved each other and look where it got them!

>i just wanna love and be loved, is that such a big fucking ask???! why does it have to be such a difficult thing...

is it difficult?

it's been hard lately to meet the person on the same page as me version.

i don't have any intimacy issues though like hamboy... i was just saying amen to that line in particular.

>it's been hard lately to meet the person on the same page as me

I find that surprising. you seem like one of the better adjusted folk on here. are you sure you are really looking?

Forums are a great place to pick up.

not really "looking"... but definitely open to it if the right person appears.

maybe when you are younger and inexperienced, desperate for love, you latch on to who ever is available even though they may not be the right person for you. sooner or later, it falls apart and you may blame them, you may blame yourself. but it's really noones fault, you two just weren't meant to be. it hurts but you'll get over it and learn. one day you'll find the one that's really right for you.

does that sound like total bullshit? it's early in the morning, my brain's not at 100% capacity, i will be talking shit for the next half hour. at least.

I thought this thread was going to be funny

Rape is the result of a fear of intimacy? Riiiiight.

well think about it. if somebody doesn't have the skilll/knowledge/understanding to create a fulfilling relationship with another human, than just like any other commodity some will be willing to try and take it forcefully.

I started this thread just because its been dawning on me the last few weeks that having been single for the last 4 and a half years (since i was 18) just doesn't seem normal for a person (me) with have a high libido. i mean I love my hand, but seriously, when you fall for someone it's not meant to end in heartbroken anguish every single time is it?? at least i'm beyond coffee date disappointment these days...

Didn't anybody else have that at university, where you'd meet some girl totally beyond your league and then drink coffee with them, as if it could ever ever actually be anything more than just mutually consuming legal drugs? and then your schtick would run out of steam and you'd end up staring at this beautiful thing staring back at you and have absolutely no idea what the fuck to do, and then there other swedish friend would come down and lighten up the mood and little and they'd chatter in their native tongue but you didn't feel too uncomfortable cos you knew they were just talking about the whether and then you'd drive them home hoping that they might invite you in to meet their psychotic korean housemate and it never happened? or was that just me..............

old cliche' i know: but the less you think about it, the sooner it will probably come.

4 and a half years isn't necessarily abnormal. what you may find is that when you do finally find someone who's 'right' for you, 'the one', etc etc, that it can put into context a lot of the times you fell for people and it ended in heartbroken anguish. It'll make you realise that most of them weren't worth the concern. Seriously, at the very least it'll make you stronger and more confident even if you do part ways eventually.

of course hambeast, we all have experiences like that.

also, i think girls are really good at sniffing desperation. thats why the less you think about it, the less desperate you smell, the higher the success rate. can take a while to become conditioned to that though.

you could always turn to hot swedish guys?

yeah, that's true spacemen, and it's definitely part of why i've been so anaesthetised towards the issue all year. falling for a girl on NYE totally blew me through for the first four months of this year, and since then it's just been like, when the fuck is this redhaired girl gonna come my way?
guess i'm saying that i will be ready for when it happens, it's just the difficulty and distance between occurrences is kinda off putting... how some women can have 5 children to six different men is really a mystery to me.

as long as it's west coast sverige I'd fucking tap it in an instant. beautiful goteborg boyz....

I'm with pagey on this: You're more likely to find love if you stop looking for it. There's nothing wrong with being single for extended periods of time. I think my record of solo-ness was 5 years. So what?

i guess so. just that living can be easier in a relationship, and sometimes i could sure do with the break of having that stability...

why are there so many 'woe is me' threads on here at the mo?

maybe it's emovember?

You sound like my ex-boyfriend when he'd drunk too much. He'd weep, and pour his heart out just like you, and then we would spoon. Then he would get horny and savage me.

hmmmm... spooning.... sigh

Cheeky!

people ALWAYS say that "as soon as you stop looking for it (love/a relationship) it will find you" or that as soon as you're in one relationship you'll all of a sudden find yourself being sought after by many, if not other people (when you weren't before - for __ years).

ah well, you wanted to know why you have a problem with intimacy. that's just a likely answer.

ITs sort of true. I'd just finished seeing a therapist when I met my new man at a work BBQ. I'd more or less giving up actively pursuing some giant cock.

hey hamboy... just a thought... maybe the reason you are alone right now is that there is some stuff you need to be focussing on other than being distracted by a relationship.

really... single time is all about the chance for personal attention (not just with your hand)... dealing with the shit that goes on in your head all day.

and from what we slightly know about you, there's some stuff to deal with.

so, perhaps see this solo time as a good thing and stop the search as the others have suggested.

also, only focussing on redheads is insane just cause some kooky tarot card reader told you so.

i really think that the best thing for you to do is to stop worrying about "issues" and just go and do something fun.

alternatively, find someone willing to beat these emo tendencies out of you.

yeah man don't believe tarot readings.. i mean.. i've had several in my time, and many have been rather accurate, but when it comes to relationships, it's always a surprise, and they can never really be that spot on, especially with hair colour. I was told I'd meet a blonde, but i prefer brunettes anyday.. pft.

Hello McGauz!

cheers to brunettes!

no, it's not that I'm completely absorbed in all these thoughts and that it's stopping me from doing other things that are enjoyable. and might I also say, when I said, reaching the next level with someone, I didn't just mean fucking. I was more talking about the closeness of having someone who is to some extent understanding of you and doesn't think you're from a different planet and won't flip out with every kooky idea I spout. I think more than being single, not having my best friend to talk to has been one of the hardest things for me to deal with this year. i miss her so much...

Hello!

though i must add, everynow and then there's something about a redhead that gets me going ;)

This is all like Sleepless in seattle!

hugs hams

yeah it's a closeness that is sometimes missed more than anything else. I had (and still have.. ) a close female friend, and she knew me like no one else and could read me so well, and it was.. easy, or comfortable, because she loved me and i could relax and be myself around her without any need to impress, because she already had a relationship. It was just good friends, and really close. I miss it a lot sometimes... is still great when I see her.

I don't have problems with intimacy and have had a good sex life for the majority of my sexual years. I think it's about taking the good with the bad and accepting them on some level. The men you get involved with has a lot to do with it. If a man is immature he will not know how to respect a woman, he will cheat on his girlfriend and do the typical laddish stuff, sometimes men don't grow out of this stage ever. I'm lucky to have been in a very loving relationship that has lasted over the 5 year period.