Stagger Lee + Muscles

Billy Lyons on guest vocals!

His label threw him out in the ice and snow
And told him, ''Never ever come back no more''
Stagger Lee

So he walked through the rain and he walked through the mud
Till he put out an album called Muscles Manhood
Stagger Lee
He said ''Mr Modular, you know who I am''
The honcho said, ''No, and I don't give a good goddamn''
To Stagger Lee

He said, ''Well Modular, it's plain to see
I'm that bad motherfucker called Muscles, see?''
Mr. Stagger Lee
Pav he said, ''Yeah, I've heard your name down the way
And I kick motherfucking asses like you everyday''
Mr Stagger Lee

Fucking formatting, said muscles

Well, those were the last words that Modular said
'Cause Muscles put four remixes in his motherfucking iPod
Just then in came a band with a song called 'Down Down Down'
Was known to make more money than any bitch in town
She struts across the booth, hitching up her skirt
Over to Muscles, she starts to flirt
With Stagger Lee

(maybe we should have gone with the Neil Diamond version)

She saw the honcho, said, ''O God, he can't be dead!''
Stag said, ''Well, just count the hits on muscles' motherfuckin' blog''
She said, ''You ain't look like you scored a hit record in quite a time.
Why not come to my pad? It won't cost you a dime''
Mr. Stagger Lee
''But there's something I have to say before you begin
You'll have to be gone before my man Tim Rogers comes in,
Mr. Stagger Lee''

HA!

Well Tim stumbles in
He's forgot all the words,
but just like Chad Morgan
He charms all the bird

''I'll stay here till Tim Rogers comes in, till time comes to turn
And furthermore I'll duet with Tim Rogers on his motherfucking album''
Said Stagger Lee
''I'm a bad motherfucker, don't you care
But I'll crawl over fifty good festivals just to get to one JJJ live to air''
Said Stagger Lee

this is great.

Had one hand on his gun and one hand on a bible
And one hand down his strides, theartistformerlyknownas idle

ha ha ha

And he shouted ''I am Stagger Lee
You can find me in the new releases section at JB''

can i register my admiration of this thread concept HERE pls

this is awesome.

Is it too soon to call thread of the year?

Someone should start a thread to compile all the thread of the year contenders before we forget them.

this is fantastic

The thread of the (last) year?

This year!

at 12:37AM on Tuesday, January 6 2009.

great work! winner of said award

ladies and gentlemen, I hereby pronounce this thread

i like it

Me too.

MUST BUMP

Bump and grind, have a good time.

(I got nothin', sorry...)

Well Muscles' phone rang, for the first time in years
The voice on the end said ''It's Triple J here
We've a spot on a bill for a talented crew
but we've run out of people and had to call you
To ask if you happen to have Urthboy's number
And while you are at it, one for Nicky Bomba... ''

So Muscles said ''Kingsmill, I want in on this
My showbag ain't selling near as well as his
What's his name again, this hairy-lipped geeza?
I haven't heard that while I'm driving, on Nova
It's a very long way from Geelong, don't you know.
Do you think you could get me for more than one show?
Plus, I would like a new foil-wrapped beetle-shaped treat
I dropped mine in the car... chocolate's stuck to the seat!''

Muscles sticks in the tape, has a glance at Cave's bio
does a lap of Waurn Ponds, Ryrie Street and Corio
get half way through Side 1, decides that it's all toss
Gets The Js on the blower and talks to the boss.

''Hey, these songs are depressing! All murder and dirge
They're not fun like the ones that I did with The 'Gurge*
Tell you what I'll do for you... just leave 'em with me
They'd come up more 'fresh' with a bangin' Euro beat...''

The King gets off the phone, puts his head in his hands
''Squeezing Muscles into Cave weren't quite in my plans.
But I guess we could fit him, 'tween Rogers and Ben
(Not just girls who'd dream of those two sandwiching men
with their sweat and bare chests.... I'd best go take a shower,
Pav'll be here for programming talks in an hour).''

(* note to self: Muscles DID do some project with a Regurgitator offshoot, didn't he? Or have I just had too much food cooked in aluminium saucepans causing hallucinations?)

.... Stagger Lee

nice

That piano version is fucking painful to fucking listen to. I've never heard such fucking robotic fucking playing in my fucking life. It's a fucking piano, it can be played loud and soft, not just fucking mashed and hammered you fucking stupid cuntazoid. And as for your fucking warbling over the fucking piano, that is the most painful fucking thing I've had to listen to since my parents last porked each other in the misguided belief I was asleep.

The Js are on lookout for Aussie has-beens
to play some Nick Cave songs and those who are keen
get paid money

It worked for Perkins and Bowditch, this tribute gig lark
Fête Paul Kelly and Finns, 'twas a walk in the park
Cashed in easily

They have put out the call and have cast the net wide
Not just Pitchfork-led hipsters are on for the ride
they don't have to be.

Now the B-list is queuing up around the block
All over Cave's back-cat like Johns on Tim's cock
(allegedly)

So let's look down the line, point a few out at random
of these artistes who pose no more danger to fandom
Who do we see?

When not hanging with Beasties or dating film-stars,
as belove'd by the public like Napster loves Lars
He's Ben Lee

Brothers in Pseudo Echo, they loved an adventure
their hair-styles were perfect, and so were their dentures
James and Vince Leigh

'Let The Little Girl Dance' was his '66 track
Got a 3AK nightshift gig, never looked back
Grantley Dee

He signed Daddy Cool and once managed Rick Springfield
55 Days At Peking played on the pedal steel
Rob E.G.

Why not get in a ring-in, a sax-playing yank
he's been looking for work since his perm career sank
Kenny G

Sure she rooted John Lennon and made some duff jumpers
Like a Wild Thing in red specs she brings the wild rumpus
Jenny Kee

Swanston Street, AC/DC's truck, '70s moles:
They are made out of denim, creeping up camel toes
Staggers Jeans

-

Stick their faces on dartboards then you chuck a dart at it
who it hits will be in, singing Nick to the nit-wits.
End story.

Ah, good times.