I'm sure there's a thread for this but I couldn't make dinner last night because my neighbours were fucking, with the lights on, about three metres away.
It was weird. I don't think I've ever seen anyone actually fucking before. But I wander into the kitchen with my girl and in the next block of flats, there they were, pumpin' away. It looked really... boring.
Like this story.

If you yelled, could they have heard you?
so you couldn't eat afterwards?
Were they out in the car park?
should've called it ''my fucking neighbours''
i cant see anything negative about this story. you're lucky i say.
did you order a pizza?
i've not been able to sleep because my neighbours have been fucking about a metre away (i think both of our beds back onto a shared wall) and it was too noisy, but i've never actually seen anyone else doin' it.
Probably, blake. My girl actually mentioned when we went out on the balcony to wait for them to finish that their window was open, so if I opened my kitchen window I could've talked to them rather than needed to yell.
We could eat. We just had to wait to cook because I would've been looking straight at them while I was at the sink.
Nope, block, three storeys up, in their bedroom, rutting away. Each time we'd wander back into the kitchen we'd see them in a different position. It was like 'Well, he's on top of her so this has got to finish soon'' and then they'd stop and drink some water and chat. They didn't look that into it. No oral, either.
I used to live opposite a couple like that. Funny thing was, the guy lasted for all of about 30 seconds - not impressive at all.
Sheesh, Coz, I wish! It lasted about half and hour from when we first walked into the kitchen and noticed to when we checked and the light was off.
Should've yelled them some helpful hints and constructive criticism.
what did you make for dinner?
That sounds as bad as the traumatised message I got at work the other night from the other half to say the old lady upstairs had woken her up after taking one of those dumps that was so loud that she wondered if she had actually split in two. We can't look at that sweet old lady quite the same way now.
Good point. What could I say? They definitely needed to get their heads into it. Her handjob was lazy. His action was bored. I think she might've been a little pregnant.
were they good looking?
You can't tell how good it was without getting involved. It's what's inside that counts.
Was there a fat load shotten in her hair?
LSE, ramen with vegies in miso. Not bad.
blah blah blah sex sex sex. tell us more about your dinner instead.
ooh. x-post.
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You're nicked!
Sounds like they didn't come quietly.
Took me a minute but I finally got that scoops, well done
Good Lord. Now my downstairs neighbours have started. The upstairs ones are annoying because their bedhead hits the wall, but the bird downstairs (that's the last time I ever smile at you on the tram, KYLIE) is going off like a Jewish foreskin. The squealing! The moaning! The ecstatic sighs!
I can't wait to go live in hotels for a month. Even staying in a hostel would be a welcome reprieve from my rootrat neighbours.
It's ok Chickenchops, I'm sure one day you will find someone on this website to root on with.
Could they be just watching porn?
I think I'll take my chances outside the internet cesspool, King_rat. Thx but no thx.
Tiny, it was all a bit too real-time. They've stopped now. I reckon they were aroused by Q&A.
My neighbour is an aged spinster with many cats and an OCD-like need to have her front door open a crack 24 hours a day.
She is never fucking.
I look forward to becoming that woman. Sans cats but, because I fucking hate them.
Gasp!
So, erm, anyway, is that OCD cat lady good looking?
i don't think anyone's fucked within a 100 metre radius of me for months.
OCD cat lady is nothing to look forward to chops, I was walking behind her the other day as she sneezed, and a handful of sand spat out of vadge and stained her new shoes. It was followed by a cloud of dust. True story.
Hostels don't guarantee reprieve from such behaviour.
I, um, know a guy who ''got bizzay'' in a 30-bed dorm.
I do too. My old colleague. Bless his spiky gel haired arse.
I was in a dorm room once when some people deemed it appropriate to root. The next morning there was a used tampon on the floor. It was a really nice experience.
Probably better than the menstruum-drenched sheets of a London dorm room experience I've heard about.
I was being facetious, orpheus. Do I also ''know'' this ''guy'' you speak of?
AMAZING.
The semantics of this conversation are becoming too complex here.
The ferals downstairs have now a ritual. He comes home from wherever at about 3am every Saturday morning and makes as much noise as possible, thus waking everyone else in the unit block. Then it's quiet until 7am when you can start to hear his skank moan and yelp like a porn star as he gives her one. This goes on for 10 to 20 minutes. She gets louder and louder and as they climax he grunts like a pig. After this she moves from the bedroom to the balcony because she's having a smoking induced coughing fit. She hacks up as much tar and snot as possible and spits it over the balcony on to the cars below. While she's doing that he goes to the toilet and doesn't flush it. He then puts on some thumping techno crap and turns it up as loud as possible. Their sexy times ritual is now complete for another saturday morning.
The joys of living in an old, crumbling unit block with no sound proofing.
Can you let John Butler know I found his hummer ?