Dear co-worker,

Thank-you for bringing cookies in today. You are awesome, as are your cookies.

Cheers =D

Nyx

Dear co-worker,

Last week I told you to pull your head in.

You have...good for you.

hi cunts, i never have to see any of you again after today. to this i can only rah.

you heard.

rah.

to all of you

if you feel the slightest squirty feeling fuck off home. i don't want bloody gastro

dear awesome clients,

you're so fucking tops i could cut you.

ken.

Dea Co-Worker,

Your superior, Opera loving, tea drinking, hair dressing, snooty persona is fascinating. But god lighten up will you.

Dear co-worker,

You're a little weird. You creep me out a bit actually. And just because you're someone's brother doesn't mean we're not going to get pissed off if you spend all day fucking around and spacing out.

Sincerely,

Coz

Dear Co-Worker,

-ah.

Dear co-worker

Stop asking me inane questions all day. I come here for inanity - your questions are distracting me from it and are unnecessary and unwanted.

You say ''but small children ask lots of questions''
Yes, but you are 28.

Although you're a sweet guy, I'm glad you're leaving next week

HEB

Dear Co-Worker,

Please stop complaining like a whinny little kid about network issues that are ''complex''. It is what you get paid to do, so fuck up. If you had any clue how to actually do your job, it wouldn't be so hard would it?

And stop trying to handball it to me................. cock.

Mex666

Dear Co-worker,
Your wheezy breathing through you nose is really getting on my tits. Please realize you are an annoying fuck, who wears bad slacks too high. I hate you. Your wheezy nose is like a clock ticking and makes my day go longer.

Fuck off and die,

Mex666

Dear co-worker,

I DON''T FUCKING CARE. Also, the LAST thing I want to do on a Friday afternoon is go to a shit place to drink a beer in your company. You're BORING and a BULLY (not to me, I don't think you dare)

G. FUCKING. RRRRR

ps you're 35, I think it's time you moved out of home, drove yourself to the station and made your own lunch.

You stink of Piss & Soggy Biscuits……. and your taste in music sux.

Lucksmiths? Pfff!

Dear Co-Worker,

I can see you looking past me and smirking to your friend in the next office when I'm talking to you about the latest stupid task you've got me working on. It's not funny or cool and it doesn't make you tough. You're just a fucking smart ass.

Love PG

Dear Ex-Co-worker,

A few months ago, when you were fired for being incompetent, you wouldn't even return the bosses phone calls and requests to bring back documents which were legally the property of work. Now you have sent us all a lovely postcard from a family holiday in Broome, without a hint of malice.

I think you really are insane.

good-o

jn*

Dear Co-worker,

you've been less gabby so far today. Nice work.

Keep that up and I may not punch you.

xx louis

dear co-worker,

please stop making false vom sounds, its grossing me out.

yours in near sympathy spewing,

alter....

dear co-worker,

your laugh is one of the most annoying sounds i have had to encounter in the time i have lived in this city. it's very weasely. gross. annoying.

Dear Co-Worker,

Please stop asking me to take you out for lunch and beers on the company amex. For a start, you are boring. Also, you are not a hot chick. Strike 3, you are a wanker.

Mex.

dear co-worker.

BE MORE COMPETENT. it's really not that hard!

shineslikerubies

He pops up when you least expect... kinda like bizzaro SantaClause... the only present you'll get is hot pants related blindness

Dear co-worker #1,

I wish you were here today. I'm going to have to go to my daily therapy session (i.e 11am trip to aldi to purchase random assortment of booze, snacks and useless shit) all alone. I hope they still have unicycles.

Dear co-worker #2,

Don't pretend you don't know you're good looking. Looking forward to a repeat of last Friday's drunken shenanigans.

Dear Coworker,

Thanks for not coming in today, no seriously, it's very nice and quiet without you here but since you did fuck all work yesterday afternoon and spent the time counselling your bogan friends on the phone about their break-up, now I have heaps of shit to do today BY MYSELF. Seriously, you're great.

Nips.

Dear co-worker,

I’m not your assistant. Yes, I assist you on various projects, but I also assist other people on projects. More important people. Like my actual manager and my actual boss. If you already have a document open, I’m sure you can add a ‘Y’ to one of the boxes without wanting me to do it, me saying hey you still have it open, you then closing it, asking me to do this one tiny thing that you could easily do, and then a minute later asking if I’d done it because you need to use the document. GUH. I have other things I have to do. I’d appreciate it if you could manage your own project without needing someone (i.e. me) to chase up “LAST MINUTE URGENT” issues that shouldn’t be last minute urgent, as I flagged them sometime ago.

Increasingly irritable,

Pelty

=====================

Dear manager,

You’re awesome. I like your combination of being incredibly warm and friendly as well as slightly intimidating. It actually makes people get work done and still feel comfortable to come in and suggest all manner of ideas.

Hooray,

Pelty

Dear co-worker,

Thanks for coming over to my desk specifically to tip out my container of map pins and knock over my bottle of wine AGAIN. And as if this wasn't enough, you decided it would also be amusing to throw a piece of violin resin at me. It hurt. I will be keeping my headphones on for the rest of the day, so this should be a fair indictation that I am not to be disturbed.

In annoyance,

Dickslapper

Dear co-worker,

AGAIN with the fucken map pins all over my desk! Sticking one in my boost juice cup was the last straw. I am not talking to you for the rest of the week.

Really fucken annoyed,

Dickslap

Dear co-worker,

As much as I am amused by your emails constructed entirely in binary code, I am still not talking to you.

Dickslap

Dear office stud

the other night at staff drinks i adroitly dodged various groups of bores to thread my way into the sort of sit-down oasis in which, among other men of comparable age and stature, you were to be found comprehensively holding forth while several young ladies siting at various angles were both appreciating the results and all too ready to vouchsafe you the sidelong glance befitting your residual measure of legend. clearly, it was evident that you were setting a brisk pace, but then you broke off from the general conversation with only half your daily supply of witticisms duly imparted to the adoring public.

i suppose i didn't need to take-up the challenge at that time. after all, i am a happily married man. but to subtly remind the young ladies present of the way in which a man's (i.e., some men i.e., you) fabulous passion tends to burn out and leave the lady (i.e., some ladies i.e., the assembled young ladies) waiting for him to call is all part of the game we men play to enjoy more of what i referred to at the time as: 'the ultimate intimacy' (and no, i didn't mean they ought let you go through their handbags...)

so remember, if what your after is just sex, what, i ask you, is so just about sex? i mean in the sense of what is so mere about mere physical passion?

It's a big thing when you look into it, isn't it?

Peter

ps no metaphor intended re. my choice of the term 'big thing.' i know not nor do i want to know of such things.

Dear co worker.

You're a racist stupid old tart. And after 8 years of working there you still don't know shite about the industry. You amaze me that people are unemployed when you have a job.

Cheers :)

''gunshot_glitter said 10 days ago:

and I.T. Tech guys who are balding should NOT! wear hot pants.

bahaha, I need to talk to you about this phenomenon.''

I was working at a place a while ago where the IT tech guy, who looked a bit like Richard Branson, wore CYCLE shorts all day every day, and hitched right up to heyah with his t-shirt tucked in.

Dear co-workers,

Friday night's shenanigans at Fad Gallery/Dumping House/Ding Dong were super funtastic. Apart from the waitress at Dumpling House confiscating the bottle of scotch we found under the table. And a very distorted version of 'happy birthday' being played about 800 times over the loudspeaker. I think it's going to take at least two weeks for me to recover. Good times...

Dickslap

Dear co-company that I work alongside with,

I hate beauracracy.Your zero tolerance approach is amazingly heartless. I was trying to advise you that these 2 students are Burmese refugees and have no family and id let alone the requirements you have requested.

have a heart, gunshot

Haha, love when they do that there.

Dear Co-worker,

I may be a PA but I'm not YOUR fucking PA.

Fuck off and leave me alone, you creep.

Dear other Co-worker,

I have always known that we have our differences but having to listen to you mock one of your old friends photos on facebook to anyone and everyone who has walked past this morning has been incredibly painful. I can't stand to watch someone be so cruel.

P.S you are overweight too, you delusional moron.

unkind regards,

nyx

Dear co-worker,

If so much as even contemplate re-arranging my desk and tipping my pins everywhere today, I am going to re-arrange your face and stick said pins in your eyeballs.

Govern yourself accordingly,

Dickslap

Dear co-worker,

I laughed so hard when you cost the company a fortune yesterday. I really hope it totally fucks up your chances at this promotion you have been licking everyones asses to get.

THS

Dear co-worker,

Your pungent odour is permeating my office space. Please wash your bits accordingly.

In disgust and breathing through my mouth,

gunshot

Dear co-worker,

If you don't turn down that shitful music you are going to become very well acquainted with my fist.

Kisses,

Slapski

Dear co-worker,

Thanks for the awesome lunch and the bottle of Spanish wine. You are now forgiven for destroying my work space on a daily basis.

Big love,

Your faithful work pal

Dear co-worker,

And as if all that wasn't enough, you just made me a cup of tea!

Now I'm starting to think you're kissing my arse because you want something...

Suspiciously,

Dickers