Tucker B's Come Clean

In a van. At 1am. Pre-second show of the national tour with Peabody. 25 x 101 Dalmations rubber squeaking dogs in a bag. Jagermeister.

Matt (Singing + Guitar): Chuck us a squeaker.

(Squeak)

Houston (Bass): People are gonna wanna kill us.
Reid (Drums): I say we do that for a whole hour.

M+N: Hows the tour going?

M: Tours goin fuggin good, mate.
R: Peabody is a really good band.
M: What bizness is it of yours, mate?

(Squeak)

M: FUCK OFF!
R: Weve been playing gigs now for about 10 years and ...
M: The name Tucker Bs comes from an old woman, with a very large (squeak).
R: Yesterday was the first time the band ever sounded like a band.
M: We have a new cd coming out soon its called CHUBBY! Our influences ... are people. Bouncers covered in tattoos.
R: Taxi drivers.
H: Fat people and invoices.

M+N: Are Peabody good to travel with?

H: Fucked.
M: Fucked.
R: Bunch of cunts.
M: All that I hear is their voice, basically.
R: Bruno just does not shut up.
M: The band is fucken good and theyre quality.
H: Theyre a great band, but as individuals theyre the most flawed fucken people Ive ever met in my life.
R: Greames got some kind of complex where he just has to be really friendly.
H: Its basically like being on holiday with a bunch of sweaty rapists.
M: Anal rapists? Have you ever been anally raped?

(Squeak)

M+N: What was the show in Geelong like last night?

M: Lets put it this way ... everything has a hole (Squeak) see that?

(Squeak Squeak Squeak Squeak Squeak Squeak)

R: How good does that sound?!
H: After the gig both the drummers from both bands, the Tucker Bs and Peabody, got punched in the fucking head.
R: Im telling all the other drummers in Australia to never play in Geelong.
M: But apart from worrying about their physical conditions we had a fucken good time watching.

M+N: Was that at the same time?

M: Yeah, same time. Boom. Instantly. Fat lips.

M+N: Is that because they were talking the same shit?

M: Ahhhhh, thats a fair comment, fair comment.
R: We were smiling like happy attentive people to the rest of the world. Obviously we were targets.
M: Fair comment.
R: To some stupid bogan redneck cunt.
M: Well, Reid may have said something along the lines of Youre all cunts.
R: Gary Ablett is a fucking dickhead!

M+N: So on this tour and with your new album about to come out, is it annoying playing new songs when they havent been released yet?

A: Nuh, doesnt make any difference, were already playing new songs that arent even recorded.
M: When pretty much the entire audience hates ya ...
H: Most things are annoying.
M: Doesnt matter if you played Love me Tender.
R: Tall, short.
M: Or your latest hit.
R: Fat, skinny.
M: You end up coming out looking like a cunt, you know what I mean?
R: They dont care, they hate you.

M+N: So no ones liked you?

M: Lets just say that everything has a hole!
H: We havent actually noticed anyone liking us yet.
M: No, there have been a couple of people that said ... nice things after stuff.
H: Like, Are you guys going to pack up now?
R: When you did that cover version ... we could relate to it.
M: Like, Before you started playing I was really enjoying myself.
H: And, I think ... I think I can still enjoy myself.
M: Now that youve finished playing.

M+N: Where are your costumes?

M: Were in the middle of designing a brand new range of stage wear. That we will market as Playlord accessories and bikinis.

(Squeak)

M: For girls.
R: And Tucker boys.

M+N: Are they going to involve lights again?

M: Its going to involve batteries.
R: And Darren.
M: Darren has a very large soldering iron, let me just say that. And plenty of solder.

M+N: Since hes not here, lets make the interview about (absent guitarist) Darren.

H: Well, he never got any sunlight until he was seven.
M: He never knew what love was until he joined the Tucker Bs.
H: We had to explain and show Darren.
R: What love was.

M+N: What was his reaction?

M: Well, his reaction was, A Starpicket. You want me to love a Starpicket?
R: Its got to start somewhere, Darren.
M: But you cant start with everything, dude.
H: So, the first two years of Darren in the band was him and his Starpicket and us just going Love it!
M: And then he thought the worst was over when Starpicket finished ... and then he was confronted with Sand Paper!
H: And that was a year. Then it was like, Darren wheres your sandpaper?
M: And so ... that man knows how to love now. Hes partially psychotic.
H: Hes prone to psychosis.
M: Its not that he doesnt talk because he doesnt have much to say. Hes got a lot to fucking say. But he generally writes it down.
R: And reads it out to himself. IM NOT HAPPY!
M: On the way down to Melbourne Darren wrote a fucken book.
H: Called NOT HAPPY.
R: Called RUDAS RUDAS NOT HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY CUT SHIT! WHY NEW DRUMMER question mark.

(Squeak Squeak Squeak Squeak)

H: I cant wait to get up and play our first song!
R: With the doggies.
M: Houston can I just say for the record ... that Ive never smelled worse feet.
H: Im sorry.
R: Converse All-Stars are meant to be All Star and you have dirtied those ...
H: Well, Im not the only one, but for some reason Im being singled out because Im the most open and honest about my problems always. Im an open book.

M+N: When does this next album come out and why is it better than (first album, and before 2002s Bish Bosh II: The Bosh Bosh) ... Arm a Drunk?

M: Who told you that?
R: Its not actually that good.
M: Its coming out October 3rd. And Ill tell you why its fucking better ...
R: Its a retrospective.
M: The album is so chock-a-bloc full of love, that it will make you feel ...
H: Modest.
M: It will make you hard. It will make you hard. It will make you stand up.
H: With modesty.
M: With modesty.
H: And just be ready to love more.
M: It will make you stand up in shame.
R: Youll pitch a tent.
M: You will look down across your valley, and you will think SHAME.
H: SHAME I NEED TO LOVE MORE! And thats why its going to be a big
seller. R: Thats why the albums called Chubby.
M: Because people are shameful.

M+N: Its a political album ...

H: No.
M: Its an album about commitment and shame.

M+N: A commitment to shame.

M: Lets start this interview again with the basis that its all about the commitment to shame.
H: Were not ashamed of the album.
M: Just the people we have to give it to.
H: This ones better. You can hear the singing.
R: Its quite commercial.
H: We know our target market now.
M: Theres more or less thought put into it.
H: Theres more or less ideas in there. And theres more or less effort. And its more or less polished.
R: Less effort, but more polish. But the next record will be even better.

M+N: (To Reid) Drumming-wise?

R: Not just drumming-wise. Everywhere. Better singing, better guitar ...
M: Were talking everywhere. South America, Europe ... everywhere.
R: Keyboards, dog-noises ...
M: Everything's got a hole.

(Squeak)

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