In part two of his “RocKwiz Live” tour diary, HENRY WAGONS injures his shoulder doing boxing reps with Pete “Lucky” Luscombe, plays backstage Frisbee with Brian Nankervis and bashes out an Easybeats cover with Steve Kilbey in Far North Queensland.

The plane trip from Perth to Cairns has to be one of the longest in Australia. I sat next to Dugald, RocKwiz’s favourite roadie (commonly known as the guy in the blue wife-beater who holds up the scores in the TV show).

For much of the trip we looked out of the window onto the parched dessert while having a long and friendly gasbag. The sky was clear and the land down below looked barren, flat and devoid of any hotel amenities. Nevertheless Dugald was foaming at the mouth at the sight of it. He told me couldn’t wait to be down there again. It seems he had just been on an impressively massive 4x4 trip across Australia with his brother, spotting a variety of dry dessert wells and the occasional prickly lizard, all while eating canned food and kangaroo tails. It seemed to me much of the trip involved limping the car over dunes and changing tyres. I was impressed at Dugald’s Man vs. Wild-esque stories and was almost convinced such a three-month trek would be fun. Under the stars with friends, around the fire communing with the land, but then I remembered, because of Pete Luscombe, I couldn’t move my shoulder and I gave up any grand plans.

Pete Luscombe is the drummer in the RocKwiz house band, and he is as solid and stately a performer as one of the still standing pylons of the Coliseum. Also, like those marble pylons, he is very rock. I came to find his left jab and right hook are as tough as granite. One of the mainstays of my time with the RocKwiz crew was morning boxing workouts with Pete. I’d get a text at around 11: “My room in 10 minutes.” Seems sleazy, but that was far from the truth. It was brutal. An intense 30 minutes of punches, squats, burpees on the hotel balcony. The workouts were back crunching, knee jarring, ’80s Tom Selleck-style stuff. It all came from a world before we were ushered into the yogasmic era of low-impact. And by the time I left the first stint in Perth all the boxing had completely fucked my left shoulder. Putting on a shirt in the morning was so pathetic I made myself laugh in the mirror. A heady mix of pitiful laughter and screaming came out of my room that I’m sure made Steve Kilbey (The Church) and Vika Bull, who were the other guest panellists in the adjoining rooms, shudder.

Lucky for me my left shoulder is not my Frisbee arm. In between sound check and showtime there was a lot of waiting around. This was easily enough time to throw a Frisbee with RocKwiz co-host and eccentric hanging judge Brian Nankervis. We went outside, in the thick of the tropics, for a flying disc session behind the Townsville Convention Centre as the sun set. Some people may not know, but I love Frisbees. My band and I always chuck one around in breaks when we jam or in truckstops on the highway while on the road. Speaking of Tom Selleck, he was one of my Frisbee inspirations, and I was keen to show Brian the forehand throw I’d learned from the opening credits of Three Men and a Baby. To my surprise Brain pulled out many of his own Frisbee dips, curves and bounces, the likes of which I’d never seen. He even had a throw that kinda looked like a Warney off-break. This little Frisbee freak-show was one of the highlights of the whole tour.

The run of Far North Queensland shows continued to go really well for RocKwiz, playing to packed out houses each night. The run of five shows (Cairns, Townsville, Mackay, Gladstone and Bundaberg) saw me as either a panellist on the show, singing ‘Nutbush City Limits’ as the final duet with Vika Bull, or as a “snobs choice” guest. The latter involved me mostly staying backstage eating food and sipping on scotch and Cokes and playing with James Black’s (musical director and guitarist/keyboardist from the RocKwiz band) new iPad. Eventually I would get the call to go out and sing one song, then pop back in to check my email and have a knock-off beer! I can tell you it was not a hard day at the office.

Singing the ‘Nutbush’ with Vika was a real treat! She can really get her Tina on when she belts out that song. I tried my luck at being Ike, but with less of a ‘fro and less of an inclination towards violence. During our first performance of the song, Vika may have Tina-ed a little too much, cause she completely lost her voice after the show. It was a shame I couldn’t talk to her cause I was keen to catch her vibe on whether I sucked or not. Her cure for her voice was to not speak till the next show, two days later. She did not say a word to a single soul on our bus ride south the following day. Her only communication to me on that day was a tap on the shoulder and the flash of a note which read, “Is it Monday today?”, to which I replied, “Damn you flaky musicians!” I should emphasise she did not remain silent in a Mariah Carey/Celine Dion diva kinda way. Vika’s silence was clearly out of necessity, and she still managed to give off an air of kindness and consideration, even in her stoic quiet. Her voice was perfect again for the next show.

Throughout the tour, Ash Naylor (best know as main man behind Even) was a welcome addition to the regular house band that usually consisted of James Black on guitar and keys, Mark Ferry on bass and Pete Luscombe on drums. As it turns out, Ash had to skip town to rehearse for a tour of Europe with The Stems, leaving James and band to scramble to cover for him for the final two shows. This leads me to another highlight of my tour: I was asked to play rhythm guitar, sitting in with the band, and backing up Steve Kilbey and Vika performing Bowie and Queen’s ‘Under Pressure’.

On the final night of the tour, I slinked onto stage and settled into playing the relatively intricate song. I looked over towards Mark on bass. He gave me a knowing nod, and then hurriedly got back into the groove of the song. I looked out at the massive hall, during a quiet and easy moment in the song, and saw the crowd from a perspective I had not seen throughout the tour. There’s a peaceful distance to playing as part of a backing band that allows for a different take on a crowd to what I’m used to. I could somehow glance over the audience with a comfortable ease and curiosity. Perhaps it was because my glasses weren’t fogged up for once, or hadn’t fallen off completely. It made me want to be a man in the shadows of a backing band for a bit, or perhaps deep in an orchestra pit. Luckily, it was just a moment, then I thirsted for the mic once again, just in time for the finale: singing The Easybeats’ version of ‘Goodtimes’ with Ms Bull and Mr Kilbey.

Goodtimes? Fucking good times! I’ll miss being on that tour!

+

WAGONS ON THE ROAD

Friday, June 4
The National Hotel, Geelong, VIC

Saturday, June 5
The Corner Hotel, Melbourne, VIC