In part one of his “RocKwiz Live” tour diary, HENRY WAGONS has some nervy backstage moments, endures an hour-long autograph signing session and forgets the words to a PiL song in Perth.

The SBS TV show RocKwiz is a strange beast when you break it down. It brings together the nerdy, anal world of quiz shows with the rebellious excess of the rock’n’roll lifestyle. On face value, these don’t seem to blend that easily. And yet, based on what I witnessed as a participant of the “RocKwiz Live” tour, this overlap between “the rock” and “the quiz” seems to be heaving; full to the brim with proud rock nerds.

Having appeared on the show mid last year, I was asked to join the inaugural “RocKwiz Live” tour throughout the second leg of its 30-plus date journey. I was one of the “celebrity guests”, and I use the term “celebrity” very loosely. It started with four dates in Perth, then a flight to Far North Queensland for another five dates going down the coast in a bus from Cairns to Bundaberg. Each of these shows was held in a convention complex or entertainment centre, to between 1500 and 2000 people a night. All were more or less sold out.

The show was a live and full re-enactment of an episode of RocKwiz, complete with the familiar set, the tastefully-tight house band, the wise-cracking and gorgeous host Julia Zemiro and plenty of live music performed by surprise musician guests including yours truly. Every night, the audience was packed to the rafters with the cream of the crop of rock nerd-dom (and to quote Julia Zamiro, “That’s the way I like it, a-ha a-ha”). It looked to me like SBS reception must be pretty damn good – even in the most extreme corners of the country.

May 12-15: Perth Concert Hall, WA

For those not familiar with RocKwiz, the show begins with the introduction of the two surprise “celebrity” guests via a “who am I?”- style question. It’s very much in the style of the Sale of the Century fame game. For example:
“I was born in 1953.”
“I have a husky voice.”
“I did a shit version of ‘On the Dock of the Bay.’”
Contestant buzzes
“Is it Michael Bolton?”
“Correct! Here he is!”
Out trots Michael Bolton, and plays ‘Dock of the Bay’.

Minutes before the show, I was in the dressing room out the back, sure of the fact that no one was going to guess who I was, and I’d be humiliated in front of the whole concert hall, night after night, for the next four shows. The ample piles of snacks and booze did not make up for that kind of repeated psychological trauma. I sipped on a couple of whiskey and Cokes. Close to the moment of truth, I was standing next to Deborah Conway, whose video for ‘It’s Only the Beginning’ was played almost every day between The Goodies and Monkey Magic after I got home from school (my exact memory is hazy, so don’t quote me!). With several hits to her name, she’s forever etched in everyone’s mind as part of Aussie music history. As for me, I could count on my fingers the number of times our video for ‘Goodtown’ was played on Rage. I was shitting my dacks when my “who am I?” question began.

Thank God for kooky MC Brian Nankervis and his pre-show, audience filtration quiz. Every night before the main event starts, he picks the cream of the intellectual crop from the crowd to be audience panelists. To my surprise, one of the chosen über-dorks guessed my name and I trotted into the lights and did my shit.

The opening night went ridiculously quickly. I performed my song ‘Drive All Night’ to open the show and answered a few questions, although I left most of the responses to the highly capable female poindexter on my team. Thanks largely to her, we edged through to victory over the Conway crew (yessss!). Deborah and I were then called up to close the show with a duet of the Public Image Ltd song ‘Rise’.

I love that song! We had nailed it earlier in the afternoon at rehearsal, and I was looking forward to snarling, “Could be wrong … I could be right!” But when it came time to sing my verse, I totally fucked it. I started the verse by singing the last four lines first (genius!). This left me high and dry half-way through my moment in the sun. I was standing there, swaying away, looking like I was feelin’ it, but I couldn’t for the life of me remember the first four lines. Luckily, I am an expert at forgetting lyrics (see my ineptitude with my own band Wagons) and I covered it all up by singing some weird John Lydon-inspired gibberish, which I thought kinda sounded like what the lyrics were. Everyone backstage told me my mess-up “sounded just like the real words”. No one seemed to know.

An obligatory part of the tour was the post-show “signing”. Every night I had to spend an hour signing my name on all manner of RocKwiz merch alongside the rest of the team. It was pretty fun having a little back-and-forth with the audience. I was regularly told I was “very energetic” and “looked really excited” by the predominantly older crowd. I think I must have had some hyper-spring in my step compared to the other guests over the four-night stand. Joe Camilleri, Dom Mariani, Deborah Conway and Abbe May all held themselves with great grace and aplomb, while I got the impression I must have bounced around ’em like I was in a jumping castle.

The four Perth shows were a blast, and I can say with all honesty that everyone on the road was great and totally hilarious to hang out with. Even though we had the tools for angsty rock’n’roll excess at our disposal – plenty of booze, gluttonous banquets and hotel rooms ready to be trashed – everyone held back with poise and consideration. Though very different from being on the road with my band, this experience was kinda up my alley. After all, for all of the rock‘n’roll tours I’ve done with Wagons, I can’t hide the fact that I’m a nerd and proud glasses wearer at that.

PART TWO, NEXT WEEK: The RocKwiz crew ventures to Far North Queensland, where Henry endures shoulder-tearing boxing workouts with Pete “Lucky” Luscombe, marathon Frisbee sessions with Brian Nankervis and nightly indulgences of booze, cheese and seafood.

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WAGONS ON THE ROAD

Wednesday, May 26
Beach Road Hotel, Sydney, NSW

Friday, May 28
Annandale Hotel, Sydney, NSW

Saturday, May 29
Clarendon Hotel, Katoomba, NSW

Sunday, May 30
Brass Monkey, Sydney, NSW

Thursday, June 3
The Theatre Royal, Castlemaine, VIC

Friday, June 4
The National Hotel, Geelong, VIC

Saturday, June 5
The Corner Hotel, Melbourne, VIC