Had The Kill Devil Hills pegged as a “serious” band? So did we. But as this interview between violinist ALEX ARCHER and The Tucker B’s ANDREW HOUSTON shows, they’re just as capable of engaging in a rambling 'A Confederacy Of Dunces'-style Q&A as they are writing a sentimental ballad. Both bands will play a double header in NSW this weekend as part of KDH’s “Another Joke, Another Ransom” tour.

Hello Alex. The Tucker B’s have observed you in post gig “relaxation” mode a number of times. By our estimates, you are probably about the third to fourth most talented member of the Kill Devil Hills at any one time. How come you never do your fair share of the heavy lifting and packing post show? Do you feel some entitlement to “partying” that is not afforded to the other members of your group?
Judging from the jaded, unamicable questions, nefarious machinations of this nature are the work of none other than that redheaded rat scallion, that splendid lunatic box and dear old friend: Andrew “Swimming In A Sea Of His Own Retarded Sexuality” Houston!

Firstly, I would like to applaud your obtuse, jelly bean-like syntax, yet have no choice but to pity the fruitless combobulation of misappropriated observations, ill-conceived notions and prickly consternations. Vacuous ramblings of this calibre can responsibly be categorised as the "Chicken Treat" of journalism! And as far as this question is concerned, I'll have you know I have helped pack up more than five times last year.

Is it true that you tried to entice our lead-rock-guitarist, Duai, to join the Kill Devil Hills? Is it also true that this enticement involved promises of being “treated” better by your band than ours? How is that possible?
It boils down to we needs him more. A handsome rhododendron for a beard hanging like a podium for eyeballs, whose ministry is so fierce they could scare the stink off of manure and the skills to defuse a particularly dangerous potato, Daui is the devil's own teddy bear. We would, however, treat him like our own: full dental coverage, a beard fascinator, a free meal every third Wednesday of the month and, of course, a fresh jar of socks. It's about his happiness.

“Some fiendish party liquor and a prance off to the show pumped up with venereal diseases is my recipe for a right ‘fungerous’ time.”

It is also rumoured that some of your best personal friends are pub bouncers, that you boys sort out your differences (with each other and with pub bouncers) by talking them through point-by-point over a warm Milo, and that you generally stay sober during tours because you like to stay in control of potentially violent situations and that you have the cleanest socks of any touring band at the moment. That’s not right, is it?
Well that's right, some of our best friends are bouncers. It wasn't just the other day in which I said to the boys, "We should really do something special for our special little friends, like a Steven Seagal autographed $100 bag of cheap ghetto speed, some moose testicle gravy and a suitcase filled with dead pigs to kick the shit out of!"

Listen, Alex! We have been instructed to ask you serious musical questions, so here goes, Buttercup: Should the Australian rock band Eskimo Joe dress more appropriately for men of their age or are shorts OK when it is hot?
A rather interesting territorial emiction I detect emanating from the Tucker camp. Scarves and shorts are acceptable in summer heats.

OK Alex, time for some serious business. You recorded your most recent record with Burke “Bucka Bucka” Reid. Did Bucka Bucka spend all his pre-production time talking about how he wanted you guys to be more like The Tucker B’s and that as a band you needed to get “in the pocket” before he would record you?
Let's just say Burka got us in the pocket alright, got us deep in the pocket!

Having been to a few summer festivals, we noticed lots of bands with nice hair, brooding moodiness and expensive gear, but a live show with the intensity of Home & Away. Given that The Kill Devil Hills have been known to roughen up the hard working security personnel at your own shows, what advice would you give to young bands looking to create a “fun but dangerous” vibe at their shows? Please limit your answer to less than 1250 words.
Well, the cheap ghetto speed and meat suitcases discussed in chapter three, some fiendish party liquor and a prance off to the show pumped up with venereal diseases is my recipe for a right "fungerous" time.

Do the Kill Devil Hills get drunk and take pills when you rehearse or are you all serious and worried about controlling your weird facial expressions?
Ha! I'm glad you noticed. The hedonistic debauch is a contractual obligation sanctioned by our label. Sausage Records "reminded" us the "importance" of "servicing the Kill Devil Hills myth". The facial expressions are choreographed. Sausage Records assigned us an “expression coach” that spends a few days with us before major tours. There are coaches for specific touring regions, actually.

Thanks Alex, and a big THANK YOU to whoever read these questions to Alex and typed up his responses.

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The Kill Devil Hills play two shows with The Tucker B’s in NSW this weekend: Friday, February 12 at The Annandale in Sydney with Wifey; and Saturday, February 13, at The Heritage Hotel in Bulli with The Holy Soul. For more dates click here.